Across the prairie
On a streak of rust,
There’s something moving
In a cloud of dust.
It crawls into the village
With a wheeze and a whine,
It’s the two o’clock flyer
On the dummy line.
Refren:
Ridin’ on the dummy,
On the dummy line,
The two o’clock just came in,
Tho’ it’s now half past nine,
Rain or shine
I’ll pay my fine
Ridin’ on the dummy,
On the dummy, dummy line.
I got on the dummy
And I didn’t have my fare.
The conductor said,
“What are you doing there?”
He grabbed me by the collar
And he threw me out the door,
He said, “I don’t want to see you
On the dummy line no more!”
Refren
I saw a snail
Go whizzing past;
The guy beside me said,
“This train is fast!”
Said I, “Old man,
That might be true,
But the question is,
What’s it fast compared to?”
Refren
I said to the brakeman,
“Can’t you speed up a bit?”
Said he, “You can walk
If you don’t like it.”
Said I, “Mr. Brakeman,
I’d like to take your dare,
But the folks don’t expect me
Til the train gets there.”
Refren
A queer looking lady
Across the aisle
Grabbed up her grips,
Looked at me with a smile;
“I must be off,”
She said to me;
Said I, “You’re not kidding,
That’s real plain to see!”
Refren
There was a doctor
By the name of Beck
He fell in the well
And he broke his neck;
It served him right,
As you may own;
He should attend the sick
And leave the well alone!
Refren
Farmer Jones,
He went out in a boat,
The boat turned over,
And we threw him a rope;
Said Farmer Jones,
“Well, I can’t swim,
But I’ll be drowned first
Afore I’ll be roped in!”
Refren
A little boy
On his way home from school
Saw a dollar bill
At the foot of a mule;
He stooped right down
Just as sly as a fox,
You can see him at the hospital
Till seven o’clock.
Refren
I once had a girlfriend
Down in Mobile,
She had a face
Like a lemon peel.
She had a wart
At the end of her chin;
She said it was a dimple,
But a dimple turns in!
Refren
